12/27/2004 09:51:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|
The girls had a FANTASTIC christmas, the La Perla lingerie was a huge success...and I was in a place called heaven when they gave me my gift which consisted of a hot fashion show...with a lot of booze, a lot of food, and a whole lot of young fresh skin....
The Drunken Stepfather Revival begins today - tell your friends!
Our Spam of the day is:
Subject: Deandre the party starts at 10
So last week I told you the secret about how porn stars stay hard after they cum.
What I forgot to tell you was how incredibily rock hard you will be.
I'm not joking. You will be harder than you can possibily imagine.
It will feel so good you will cry with ecstacy.
Not to mention that you will also be thicker and longer.
Doesn't deeper inside her sound too good to be true?
If you don't know what I am talking about, then you have never tried Cialis.
Give your life a new meaning right here.
She will fall in love with you!
|W|P|110415953719944206|W|P|I am - Spam of the day|W|P|12/26/2004 10:01:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Reggie White, some football player I heard was pretty good died today.
He was the NFL's Defensive Player of the Year in 1987 and 1998, and was also an ordained minister.
He began his career with the Memphis Showboats of the USFL in 1984, and joined the Philadelphia Eagles (search), who held his NFL rights, after the USFL folded in 1985.
More HERE|W|P|110411721104432356|W|P|I am - Dead Celebrity of the Day ( Reggie White)|W|P|12/26/2004 09:44:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|"Imagine finding unexplained condoms around your house and then waking up one night to find your partner having sex with a stranger."
This is some article about a condition where women have sex in their sleep, but I'm too drunk to read it so check it out yourself if your intrested.
HERE|W|P|110411584336118154|W|P|I am - having "Sex Sleep"|W|P|12/26/2004 09:38:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|The Drunken Stepfather loves to sin, I should know I am his lawyer. But i think out of all the 7 deadly sins lust is his favorite by a mile. Find out if your soul has been polluted by lust too.
HERE|W|P|110411534588950290|W|P|I am - Sin Test|W|P|12/26/2004 09:07:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|We love Jews and celebrities here at DS and thought what could be better then starting a feature that pairs the two.
Today's Jewish Celeb is Lindsay Sloane.
Lindsay was in some good movies, like Sabrina Down Under and the hilarious cheerleader movie, Bring It On. She has played in too many television shows and movies to list, but some other highlights include: Miss Match, That 70’s Show, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, Grosse Point, Dharma and Greg, and My So Called Life.
Lindsay is an alum of BBYO – The B’nai B’rith Youth Organization, so being Jewish has obviously been a big part of her life. Here’s a fun fact about Lindsay: She was the maid of honor at the wedding of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Junior. Bet you didn’t know that (or care)!
See her pics, (i think i can see her nipple in the first one)
and HERE (topless)|W|P|110411422282071562|W|P|I am - Celebrity Jew of the day|W|P|12/26/2004 01:20:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Dude - Larry Clark is a pimp. This guy is one of my influences. He is a photographer from Tulsa, and he used to have a speed addiction. One of his major books was Teenage Lust, that had pictures of youth naked. He has kept this theme going in a bunch of his movies, like Kids, Bully, Teenage Caveman etc. In Ken Park, a movie he made with his partner in Kids (Harmony Korine) he shows full on blowjob and threesomes and shit. This is before Gallo ripped them off and got Chloe Sevigny up on his jock (she is Korine's girlfriend).
I would post the clips to the threesome and blowjob, but I am more interested in seeing a kid eat out a Soap Star named Maeve Quinlin.
Check out the page here
|W|P|110498891239913959|W|P|I am - Larry Clark|W|P|12/25/2004 06:30:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Everyday we look at our extreme tracker to discover how do people find out on about us from the engines.
Here is How
MSN: lindsday lohan nude #3 (I Love Typos)
Google: kurt russell uncircumcised #3
Google "the kind of issue you were discussing" #1
MSN: bigboys.com pamela anderson #6
Well thats it for today|W|P|110401801136324725|W|P|I am - Search Results of the Day (with ranking)|W|P|12/24/2004 04:28:00 PM|W|P|Dirty Vegetable|W|P|I'm sick and tired of seeing bitches using urinals.
|W|P|110392387029204269|W|P|Piss like a man, I think not!|W|P|12/24/2004 03:22:00 PM|W|P|Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie|W|P|gentleman please
talking is waste of my precious time
come to my house
i will meet you in the backyard
and we will have a fucking orgy.
i've been waiting for you all this time,
and no romance bulshit about fucking me through john malkovitch is going to get me off.
i need your greasy fucking sausage hands taking advantage of my nimble body.
i want to be broken in half.
just take advantage of me,
one at a time or everyone at once.
either way i want it now, everywhere, all the time, untill i cant take it anymore and cum like im some underaged private school gorl the first time the gym teacher inserts his austrian penis in her itsy bitsy teeny weeny vagina hole.
|W|P|110392000657391492|W|P|i am-throwing alcohol on you and then tossing the match|W|P|12/24/2004 04:02:00 PM|W|P|12/25/2004 01:43:00 PM|W|P|
But I need to cum in your pubic hair
it is a fetish
i am not sure what kind of fetsih
i will call it 70s porn fetish
there is this one scene in Debbie Does Dallas where Mr Harwick lures one of the cheerleaders into his house, by offering her a job in the candle shop...he ends up securing a 3-way with her and his wife...they both have muff and not the mink kind of muff I saw in that Bing Crosby Holiday Inn movie, but muff like pubic hair muff...and he busts all over it...
I am like won't like that dry up and cause discomfort...
then i realize it turns me on more than a tranny on transit in a transport with a broken transmission listening to trance music transcending transparent transfers transposed by the german translator who also had a kidney transplant due to a transmembrane for the left side to the right.....this transverse universe gets me hard...but not as hard as orgasms on the muff ( the pubic kind)12/25/2004 01:58:00 PM|W|P|
I will let you get down with me,
But not today, another day, Today I am reading my book on Terry Richardson and Anthony Bourdain, a guide to being a gentleman, California Fashions and 80s movies. It may take upwards of 12 hours...but when I am done I am hoping you won't be in the upright position, but rather on your back, knees on my shoulder, chlamydia spraying my thighs....12/24/2004 09:40:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|To the people who visit this site....
Enjoy the weekend ... I won't be updating, but some people here may...
Merry Christmas ... and Big Up to All Jews, enjoy the Boxing Day Sale, I know you love a great deal you thrifty shopper ... you!
|W|P|110389930544082556|W|P|I am - Out of Town|W|P|9/26/2005 03:19:00 PM|W|P|Zuki|W|P|Found a lot of useful info on your site about Funny Pictures - thank you. Haven't finished reading it yet but have bookmarked it so I don't lose it. I've just started a Funny Pictures blog myself if you'd like to stop by12/24/2004 09:30:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|While in Mexico, I got drunk on tequila one night at the age of 6 and made a bet with my priest that I could handle getting circumsized....so I did it and now I regret it.
I joined a support group and every night we discuss how we wish we never lost the most sensitive part of our penises...most guys blame their parents, I can only blame myself. I was young and influencable...like a 17 year old girl on coke....
Here is info on Foreskin Reconstruction
Here is a product that helps you re-grow a Foreskin
|W|P|110389886296307974|W|P|I am - Foreskin Reconstruction|W|P|12/24/2004 09:25:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I don't care about celebrities unless they are hot, young and willing to please to further their careers. This is some random celeb stories that don't get me hard..but make me laugh...if I knew how to laugh.
1 - Johnny Ramones Wife and Mother Fight Over His Estate here
2-Rod Stewart sleeps with a Transexual here
3-Pam Anderson Kisses Stephen Dorf here (She has Hepatitis, does he have a death wish)
|W|P|110389860057336489|W|P|I am - Celebrity Gossip Update for the Day|W|P|9/26/2005 03:50:00 PM|W|P|marissa|W|P|I love your information on Funny Pictures I bookmarked your blog and will be back soon. If you want, check out my blog on Funny Pictures Exposed - please come by12/24/2004 09:19:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|The Phil Flash site features a whole lot of girls who don't get naked, but pose in their underwear. The main girls are Tiffany Teen, Next Door Nikki and Princess Blue Eyes.
Here they are covered in chocolate....I like the kiddie pool...these girls are classy, they remind me of upscale trailer park girls, not the ones with no teeth.
|W|P|110389816782537372|W|P|I am - Phil Flash|W|P|12/24/2004 09:13:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I am a lover and not a fighter, when a woman asks me to hit her, I say I will baby from the back This guy isn't so nice, he smacks this bitch down, if he knows anything, he should touch her inappropriately while she's out cold. I did that once but roofies were involved. I was young and experimental.....I remember dragging her out of the club and telling everyone she had too much to drink, it was wild! Her foaming mouth made a nice warm place....
|W|P|110389783868436542|W|P|I am - beating up women|W|P|12/24/2004 09:01:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Google images is back in effect. Today's word is Twat and the results can be found here
Type 5 Images
Twat the Place
Twat the Protest
Twat the Leather Cowboy
Twat the Cop
Twat the Clown
|W|P|110389734663180465|W|P|I am - Twat|W|P|12/24/2004 08:41:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I was reading the Lohan Speak Album liner notes the other day as I was practicing a dance routine for the song "Rumors", and I noticed something funny. LinLo proclaimed her love to my little mexican buddy Wilmer. I didn't realize how funny it was until I read it on OhNoTheyDidn't.....This is what it says...
Wilmer: Since you have come into my life you have been so supportive and understanding. I feel blessed to have you. Thank you for being by my side whenever I need you. Papi, thanks for telling me I can do it all and for being proud. Thank you for loving me. I love you.
It is an unfortunate case of being a fool, a fool in love with a mexican. But it is nice having this permanently part of your album, to remind of what being drunk and in love felt like.
You are 18 and our mexican loverboy is older. You were the "it" girl, you were all over the media, you had big boobs, you were appealing and sexually inexperienced so you wouldn't mind his ridiculously small penis. He is Fez from the '70s show, he has lots of money and little talent, his hobbies include picking up young girls and fucking them. I hate to break it to you but he never loved you like I did Lohan, he just told you that to get you to do anal...He was never supportive, but he acted like he cared because it was all part of the manipulation process....when he realized that were annoying and obsessed and after having you in every position he needed you in, your job was done.
Lindsay Lohan where is Wilmer Valderamma now? Is he in Ashlee Simpson or Mandy Moore? Has he found a new C-Lister to C on?
Don't worry Jesus Martinez can make you feel a lot of things, I am sure blessed is one of them... your inexperience in the bedroom is a turn-on for me, I can be the sex educator. And the only person you should be calling Papi is your DrunkenStepfather, now come sit on my lap I have a story to tell you....
It is Christmas afterall....
|W|P|110389671321572710|W|P|I am - Lohan Liner Notes|W|P|9/26/2005 08:14:00 AM|W|P|Weedlet|W|P|Your blog is great. It's hard to find blogs with good content and people talking about Funny Pictures these days. I have a Funny Pictures Exposed if you want to come check it out.12/24/2004 08:34:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I am pale and I look like a rapist on heroin. My stylized facial hair has nothing on my black eye. I have spent a night in Paris and it wasn't that eventful.
|W|P|110389555013756591|W|P|I am - Paris Hilton's Boyfriend|W|P|12/24/2004 05:04:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Does watching an hour of the OC leave you confused and dizzy. Not sure who's related to who and the love intrests between all the various kids...Me either, but if you want to look "COOL" with the young kids you gotta know whats up on the O.C. It's the Beverlly Hills 90210 for this generation.
This handy little chart will help you fake your way through an OC conversation on Seth Cohen, Julie Cooper, Ryan Atwood and the rest.
Chart Here|W|P|110388304855819003|W|P|I am - OC Chart|W|P|12/24/2004 04:20:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|NICO VAN HOORN has made the world a little better with his TRASHLOG. He collects a Piece of trash for the internet everyday.
Find out more HERE|W|P|110388026177360558|W|P|I am - NICO VAN HOORN|W|P|12/24/2004 04:20:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|This is a long one, read it if youre bored
Almost all Coca Cola produced in the United States is made with corn syrup instead of sugar. Corn syrup is cheaper because imported sugar is subject to tariffs. It is only a tiny price difference, but a tiny difference adds up to some money when you are producing billions of cokes. Some Coca Cola mavens claim that Coke tastes better when made with sugar. There are only two major sources of Coca-Cola with sugar in the United States.
Some Mexican restaurants import Mexican Coca Cola. (We hesitate to say they import Mexican coke). The other source is well-known to "real thing" mavens. During Passover, the Coca Cola bottling company of New York makes kosher for Passover Coke. Sugar is used instead of corn syrup, because corn is not considered kosher for Passover by Orthodox Jews of Ashkenazi
background. Coke mavens, Jewish or not Jewish, try to snap up the Coke produced during the six week period when "kosher for Passover" coke is on the market. It is referred to as "the search" among Coke lovers. In point of fact, the difference between Coke containing corn syrup and Coke with sugar is pretty minimal. The water quality of the area where the Coke is bottled has more to do with the variations in taste than anything else.
New York City is justly famous for having a great source of good tasting water. Therefore, the "kosher" great taste that many out-of-New York Coke drinkers attribute to the sugar in kosher for Passover Coke may be due to the water.|W|P|110388026252885226|W|P|I am - Jewish Fact of the day|W|P|12/24/2004 04:20:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Yahoo: chyna's penis in porn video #24
MSN Search: gonerhea pictures #2
MSN Search: santa2005 #7
Yahoo: Jewish Sluts
MSN Search: ashley flint go kart accident #38
Google: drunken stepfather #1
HOTBOT: tommy lee's big cock pic #7 (i wish i was making this up)|W|P|110388102780705404|W|P|I am - Yahoo and Google Rankings|W|P|12/24/2004 04:02:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|When looking at the stats of this site, which I do sometimes, I find a lot of people come to our site from random searches. I decided to feature the top three searches, if there are days that aren't so interesting, I will make search results up.....
Today's top 3 search results are: (these are real)
1-chyna's penis in porn video
2-uncles sucking their little nieces cunt
|W|P|110387993362811390|W|P|I am - Search Result of the Day|W|P|12/24/2004 03:20:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|After reading the Minx Winxy Pudding + Pie smut on my site, I thought to myself that I need to delete this self-righteous shit, it isn't part of the Drunken Stepfather way. I was going to make the decision to ban her but I figured I would let the people voice their opinions in the comment section. It would be unfair to dump her, without having your support, I mean you are the ones reading this shit, not me.
The Reasons We Should Keep Her on Here:
1- She is 18, and my stepdaughter's are in that age range, I like the energy, enthusiasm, perky tits and naivity (i love that word, i think it is the umlaut that i love, punctuation sometimes makes me happy).
2- She thinks I am funny and that is good for my ego, sometimes my failure as a son and as a husband gets me down, and any positive reinforcement keeps me going.
3- She is a Jewish Slut, and this site is all about Jewish Sluts.
The Reasons She Has To Go:
1- Self-righteous poetry shit doesn't get me hard, if I wanted that shit on here, I would have started a blog called Mr-Martinez's Shopping List (great feature idea - this is how the genius happens, you just witnessed it, how does it feel to be in my brain for a minute, pretty nice isn't it...), back to this self absorbed shit, where assumptions are made about people actually caring about your feelings/and your daily activities. That shit is reserved for kids with no friends and lesbian hippies who recently came out and need an outlet with an audience. Drunken Stepfather, hates that shit.
2- She isn't hot enough to make me cum all over-myself with little or no touching, it would take her a good amount of work to secure the climax, probably some prostate massaging....which I am sure I would enjoy...but it wouldn't be a volcanic reaction that I am looking for...i want a wet dream sensation, in the middle of the day, while eating some Chinese food and watching some John Malkovich....
3-Nobody is into mind sex, you do have to take your clothes of yet, so post some nudity and the Stepfather says stay....and if you want to talk about boys you love in far aways places, can you try to talk about what you do to yourself while thinking about them... no one cares about black hole theory, unless that theory involves insertion and clit rockin!
This doesn't have to be a Boys Club, I welcome content from the girl kind but there should be some regulations... I am - the enforcer...and I have said my piece, but now it is up to you. Post the comments whether we keep her, or ban her....I know what I think, but DrunkenStepfather.com is a democracy....so rock the vote like P.Diddy runs marathons.
Post comments anonymously if you don't want me to know you are here (Lohan I am talking to you)
|W|P|110387764527506952|W|P|I am - Democracy|W|P|12/24/2004 03:59:00 AM|W|P|12/24/2004 04:04:00 AM|W|P|12/24/2004 06:09:00 AM|W|P|12/24/2004 08:34:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I have been told that she will be leaving to go on a cruise in the mother country...you won't have to read her smut until mid to end of january.12/26/2004 03:03:00 AM|W|P|1/27/2005 11:02:00 AM|W|P|12/24/2004 01:33:00 AM|W|P|Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie|W|P|i have a crush on this boy
he lives 3000 miles away
one day we will be reunited
he is so goodlooking
i cant shower anymore
because every time the hot shower water drips down my body, i think of his tongue there
because i have stopped bathing
a certain scent is escaping my pores
my parents sent me to dollard
i have not seen anyone in four days
i have made friends with racoons, like when i was a kid
i fear they are trying to make an alliance with me so that when i am sleeping they can pick out my eyes.
i stumble down corridors, and find this book by Jean Pierre Luminet about black holes.
there are about 400ish pages
but only one has writting on it
and it says "hello margicka"
which is the name my loved ones call me for endearment purposes.
it was at this point that i blacked out.|W|P|110386663646084389|W|P|i am-a black whole theory|W|P|12/24/2004 03:15:00 AM|W|P|
keep your smutty banter to yourself
you fucking dirty lesbian twat
get over yourself
you never fucking shut up12/24/2004 03:18:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|for real - your blog entries are so self-righteous...do you ever think about things that don't involve you thinking about how fantastic you are? Is everything always about you? Did your daddy spoil you? Does he touch you in naughty places...proclaiming his love for you... does he say "don't tell mommy about what daddy does to you, she wouldn't understand, it is our little secret.." Is that the reason why you are the way you are? A greedy selfish whore? Or a a girl lost in herself?
Stop talking is what I ask for. I am Jesus Martinez, the drunken stepfather, but not your stepfather, because if I was I wouldn't get drunk and molest you, because you would probably sit there and bore me with your talk about how fucking fantastic you are..
Shut the fuck up
You are - Banned!9/26/2005 03:55:00 PM|W|P|Squirrel|W|P|Great work on your blog - it was very enlightening. You've got a lot of useful info on there about Funny Pictures so I've bookmarked your site so I don't lose it. I'm doing a lot of research on Funny Pictures Exposed and have just started a new blog - I'd really appreciate your comments12/23/2004 11:24:00 PM|W|P|The Illustrious Senior Magnifico|W|P|She's just really sweet.
And super sexy
By the way, I do believe her shirt is see-through.
|W|P|110386232701363932|W|P|I am - In love with Mandy Moore|W|P|12/23/2004 11:01:00 PM|W|P|The Illustrious Senior Magnifico|W|P|A little while ago, I posted some clips from the Chyna Sex Tape known as 1 Night in China. Well, now you can download the whole thing (if you're into that - but we're not judging) by using BitTorrent.
Here's the Torrent file: 1 Night in China Torrent (right-click and save as)
The video is a 189 MB AVI file. You'll have to extract the Torrent file from the ZIP first.
Don't know what BitTorrent is? Find out here|W|P|110386103744584371|W|P|I am - 1 Night in China Torrent|W|P|12/23/2004 01:07:00 PM|W|P|Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie|W|P|last night champagne loved me again.
i stumbled into my house
turned off the lights
put on the alarm
walked into a wall
fell on the floor.
looked at myself this morning
in the starkness of nude truth
saw that i had actually banged my head so hard i had split the skin
but the blood had dried.
clotted, if you'd like.
hid in my room for a while.
ended up dancing to disco to make my feet feel they were not left out.
ended up dancing like a slut on fire.
i am-sleeping with the champagne bottle|W|P|110382568521984973|W|P|I am - dancing like a slut on fire|W|P|12/23/2004 02:36:00 PM|W|P|12/24/2004 03:20:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I have to ban you
Because you are dull
It was lovely seeing your nipple!12/23/2004 11:58:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I want to smack this woman everytime she opens her obnoxious mouth.
She is loud
She is annoying
She acts all out of control.
Her career is pretty weak.
But her playboy pics are pretty good.
|W|P|110382127607985924|W|P| I am - Jenny McCarthy Naked |W|P|12/23/2004 11:53:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I don't watch beauty pagaents. I find they give girls a false standard to live up to, like being a good person, and helping those in need. By making appearances to shows like "Extreme Home Makeover" to donate a Tiara for the little girl with cancer, do making visits to every hospital in the country, always sporting a smile and good hair. I think girls should learn how to be woman by watching reruns of Roseanne...it's more in tune with reality.
This Teen USA posed for Playboy.
Check out the pictures here
|W|P|110382097666243228|W|P|I am - Miss Teen USA Naked|W|P|12/23/2004 11:50:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Justin Timberlake is in a Movie Called Edison.
Justin Timberlake has a Sex Scene in Edison.
It isn't as awkward as the time he popped Britney's Cherry.
But it is less embarassing as the time Cameron Diaz introduced a strap-on in their relationship.
HERE (straight from the source at Oh No You Didn't)
|W|P|110382070708319529|W|P|I am - Timberlake's Sex Scene|W|P|9/26/2005 10:00:00 AM|W|P|marissa|W|P|Your blog is great. It's hard to find blogs with good content and people talking about Cameron Diaz these days. I have a Cameron Diaz Exposed if you want to come check it out.12/23/2004 11:47:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Pink Is a Man, it is official. The operation went smoothly, her cock is 9 inches of hot loving. Rumor is she still wears women's panties
|W|P|110382054302217372|W|P|I am - Transexual|W|P|12/23/2004 11:46:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|If I was Jessica Simpson, I would play with my boobs too..
|W|P|110382042550782667|W|P|I am - Grabbing My Tits|W|P|12/23/2004 11:41:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|When I was living in Long Island, I was a Janitor in a school. This school was the school the Lindsay Lohan attended. I got fired from this job for hiding in the girls locker room after class. I didn't get arrested because I had some important documents the Principle didn't want getting out, it would have destroyed his career. Those pictures were of Lohan sucking him off and taking a load on her freckled face, these pictures are from some of the girls in her school.
|W|P|110382034077891448|W|P|I am - Lohan's Gym Teacher|W|P|12/23/2004 11:37:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I know Paris isn't a Jewish Slut, and my lawyer advised me to stick with the Jewish Sluts content, if I really want to get us up in the google rankings of Jewish Sluts but I came across this instruction guide on how to talk to your kids about the Paris Hilton sex tape. I never had to talk to my kids about the sex tape, I just showed them Paris' and told them that when we make ours, they have to put a little more energy into it. Well let me tell you....my girls destroyed Paris on a scale of 1 to cumming on your face.
Check out the guide here
|W|P|110381999539044362|W|P|I am - Paris Hilton Sex Video Update|W|P|12/23/2004 11:25:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Looking for a screensaver of Lindsay Lohan well youre in luck because I have found you a one. Not just any screensaver mind you though, this is a sex-E screensaver which must mean it is is better right. The best part, I saved for last, ITS FREE, So enjoy.
Bonus: Lohan Ringtones |W|P|110381935060871046|W|P|I am - Lindsay Lohan Sex-E Screensaver 1.0|W|P|12/23/2004 11:30:00 AM|W|P|12/23/2004 11:41:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Sorry about that, I will try to fix the post but Blogger is trying to stop me.
SCREENSAVER HERE12/23/2004 11:10:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Although it is late and we already reported about the shooting death of Dimebag Darrell Abbott we thought another post was necessary to tell the world how much old Dimebag from Damage plan meant to use. He was shot while performing live at a club in Columbus, Ohio. And after a quick google search I discovered I was not alone. The band has made a tribute page on their main page of thier site.This great man was born in Dallas, Texas, USA. His father was a country songwriter and owned a recording studio where Abbott watched many blues guitarists play. This early influence can be heard in many of Pantera's songs. At an early age, Abbott began entering statewide guitar competitions. By the age of 16 he was banned from entering because he had won too often. It was through the prizes he won at these competitions — including the guitar that later become his trademark — that he was able to start Pantera.
Among his other influences were Eddie Van Halen and Ace Frehley. In addition, he cited many of his contemporaries among his influences, including Slayer's Kerry King, Zakk Wylde, Metallica's James Hetfield, and Helmet's Page Hamilton.
Read the news sotires: NBC
, CNN, My Way,Undercover (with video)
|W|P|110381899357989745|W|P|I am - Missing Dimebag Darrell of Damageplan|W|P|12/23/2004 03:32:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|thats right folks...after much convincing from your and my favorite stepfather I have decided to take the plunge. I have my first email account thanks to an invite from the DrunkenStepfather. So feel free to email any Jewish or Legal questions and I will answer them as fast as I can.
Brad.Jew@gmail.com Don't be Shy
Oh by the way, First email question in my account gets a GMAIL invite if that means anything to any of you. |W|P|110379122709507782|W|P|I am - Email Enabled|W|P|9/26/2005 03:09:00 PM|W|P|Lorna|W|P|I really enjoyed your content on Funny Picturesand will be back very frequently! I actually have my own Funny Pictures Exposed blog with all kinds of stuff in it. You�re welcome to com by.12/23/2004 03:11:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Back by popular demand is the jewish post of the day. Learn a new factoid about God's chosen people.
A Jew is any person whose mother was a Jew or any person who has gone through the formal process of conversion to Judaism.
|W|P|110378964007558190|W|P|I am - Jewish Fact of the Day|W|P|12/23/2004 03:00:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Today's Google Image search is brought to us by every cunt you have encountered, in either a good way (cunt tastes like candy) or the bad way (cunt took my kids from me and won't let me have visitation)
The results are here
And these are the top 5:
Cunt with syphlis (or some other shit I wouldn't fuck)
Old Dirty Cunt (ODB's Sister)
Flat Eric is a Cunt
|W|P|110378940850262643|W|P|I am - Cunt|W|P|12/23/2004 09:54:00 AM|W|P|Pimpin Polye$ter P|W|P|Is this some mexican cunts joke that pimp cunts don't get? 'Cause I'm not fucking laughing Martinez !!!
used with permission of Rory Breaker ya fawkin cunts !12/23/2004 02:47:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Ever been in a strange state or far away country and see a hot girl and need to know is she legal? OK that might not happen to most of you often..but my clients pay me to keep up to date on this information, just in case an age "emergency" occurs.
The site anwsers the age old question: "How old is OLD ENOUGH?"
It's a pedofiles ultimate vacation planner. Find out where consent rules are 13 and under like in Burkina Faso (13), Chile (12), Guyana (13), etc.
Find the Guide at Age of Consent|W|P|110378896764397533|W|P|I am - Age of Consent|W|P|12/22/2004 08:58:00 PM|W|P|The Illustrious Senior Magnifico|W|P|Hiyo. If you enjoy reading the rants of the Drunken Stepfather, you may well find this latest entry of the Zach Braff blog right up your proverbial alley. Make sure you check out the New Year's resolutions. I'll be adding them to my list for sure.
Zach Braff's Garden State Blog: Yub-Nub|W|P|110376709436973986|W|P|I am - Zach Braff's Garden State Blog|W|P|12/23/2004 03:48:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|That post was criminally bad. I am going to sue your for the pain and suffering you have caused me. See you in court.12/23/2004 03:49:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|12/22/2004 06:57:00 PM|W|P|Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie|W|P|take me down
i like being held down
where is my stepfather when i need him?
bombs over bagdad is the song i sing in my head while i nibble at his testicles.|W|P|110375990693514833|W|P|I am - world trade center|W|P|12/22/2004 06:33:00 PM|W|P|Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie|W|P|i have a confession to make-
this evening, at the ripe hour of 2 pm (all good things happen at 2 pm) i went to escape to my stepfathers secret apartment complex. he got me nice and comfortable with a bottle of red dep wine and some cigarettes and spoke to me about his past fiascos with femmes fatales (who were never as fatal as me he added with a hand placed on my inner thigh). as my nipples turned hard when he took my coat and openned the window and turned on his webcam, he came over and sat down, on his knees in front of me, and waited for me to ay something to put him at ease. i could tell that he was stressed by the bulging bulge in his pants. as i openned my mouth to say something comforting..something along the lines of "do you have any lollipops daddy?" or "remember the first time you gave me my bikini wax?" or "remember that time you woke me up to tell me i had my period?"-in any case as i was choosing which statement to state, i closed my eyes aND FOUND MYSELF sucking on something that did NOT taste like a lollipop.i openned my eyes to see my stepfather topless, grinding his manly belly infornt of me, with his manhood in my mouth! as his head tilted back in sheer exstacy and his cheeks redenned with desire, he complimented me by getting out how much better i was than my mother. i smiled inside and sucked a little harder. i even jolted my head from side to side and let my tongue go slack and lap at it for a bit because i knew he liked it like that. after all this, in the shower, when he was washing my vagina and my armpits (which he has been doing for as long as i have known him, even before my parents started going out and he wasjust the pool boy who babysat me on weekends when she was too drunk to cook or turn off the alarm)he passed me the soup through my no spot and as i felt my cheek begin to redin and my forehead to perspire and feel the tingles all over my body, as his haND went up and down with the soap bar and his manly fingers going in and out and in and out and in and out, he took my mouth, put it next to his manhood and as i started bobbing up and down again, he lifted me up, holding me by my bakside, andwent inside of me, he looked deep into my eyes and told me he would always be here for me, for this, and that he would never let me go or get away. i love my stepfather, and i told him then, and all he did was say "yeAH" and shake as his manhood exploded inside of me with the spinache tasting milkshake (i love spinache flavoured milkshakes.
i am-my stepfathers mistress, and i love it. mommy would be proud. |W|P|110375927763529280|W|P|I am - my stepfather's mistress|W|P|12/22/2004 02:04:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|See Paris Hilton without undies
See Hillary Duff with undies
See Heidi Klum with undies
See me without undies
|W|P|110374277519885180|W|P|I am - Celebrity Underwear|W|P|12/22/2004 02:44:00 PM|W|P|Pimpin Polye$ter P|W|P|Martinez why are you only postin skinny pasty annorexic cracka bitchez pics12/22/2004 09:52:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Polyester P...
I don't have any fat lady panty shots
I do have Star Jones in a bikini though?
Dig it like a polaroid picture12/23/2004 09:48:00 AM|W|P|Pimpin Polye$ter P|W|P|forget fat mang, I want thick big ol butt latinas
no homo but its in you Martinez just like its in your sister...so gimme some one of them brazilian or rican plump rump mami bitchez with they whole future behind em !!!
I want my hand to bounce back like round ball when i palm that shit
feel me12/22/2004 01:39:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I kept this feature alive for our girl readers. Remember - we feature teen heart throbs.
Today's heart throb is the President of the USA - Naked
HERE ( we got this from popbitch.com)
|W|P|110374082911543016|W|P|I am - Teen Heart Throb|W|P|12/22/2004 01:13:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|If you type Jewish Sluts into Yahoo.com, we are the 15th result. Our goal is to become the top result. This is going to take a lot of work, but we are determined
Today's Jewish Slut of the day is
We don't know if she is Jewish, or if she is a she and not a he, but every Samara I know is a Jew - so I am gonna run with this... YARMULKEBRA
|W|P|110374013474455871|W|P|I am - Jewish Sluts|W|P|12/22/2004 11:30:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I don't watch TV, my stepdaughters do...but I don't.
These are naked contestants/cast of MTV shows Naked.
I have nothing else to say, except that Trishelle gave my friend Pedro herpes.
|W|P|110373316397950129|W|P|I am - Real World/Road Rules Naked|W|P|10/01/2005 12:05:00 AM|W|P|NewhampshireMan12|W|P|Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a picture of herpes virus site/blog. It pretty much covers picture of herpes virus related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)12/22/2004 03:00:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Because of my love of all things francais...I will continue the theme of poutine.
Therefore the word(s) of the day is: "Poutine Sex"
See the results Here
Favorites (wow this is easy when there are only 2 results)
|W|P|110370276565431804|W|P|I am - Google Image search of the Day|W|P|12/22/2004 02:46:00 AM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|Before going to bed each night I like to read the Times of India. But I was suprised to see Lohan is big even there. There is an article on the naughtiest people of 04 poll that heavy did. Osama and Lohan top the list way above hotel slut Pairs H. I wonder will she be happy or mad.
Read the article HERE
|W|P|110370221420835820|W|P|I am - Naughty Lohan|W|P|12/22/2004 02:13:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Lohan, a natural freckled redhead decided to fight fire with fire at some event she went to. Her revenge was to take pictures of the Paparazi .... She's out of control, maybe it's all the coke she's been doing, it's leaving her all edgy and shit.
|W|P|110369972667527044|W|P|I am - Fighting Fire With Fire (Crotch)|W|P|12/22/2004 10:19:00 AM|W|P|Pimpin Polye$ter P|W|P|Somebody aint takin care of they business...the bitch runnin around reckless like she untouchable. Somebody need to lay the back hand on this bird and put her in check12/22/2004 01:57:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Jennifer Anniston spent 1900 dollars in a sex shop. The rumor is she was buying her granny the jackrabbit, because there is nothing like given a 90 year old woman in a wheel chair an orgasm, or so I have been told.....
The story can be found here
The rumor is she bought this. We know her marriage is falling apart, and we don't care.
|W|P|110369883339032683|W|P|I am - Sex Toy Spending|W|P|12/22/2004 01:53:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|My dad always told me to stretch after working out. This is a picture of his demonstration....
|W|P|110369862171711868|W|P|I am - Life Lesson|W|P|12/22/2004 01:52:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Paris Hilton is endorsing a pot-flavored candy which is really "hot" considering she is used to sucking on herpes cock.....
Speacking of sucking in the bedroom - Paris claims that she isn't a sexual person, and that she prefers watching movies and just kissing...this comes as no surprise for those of us who saw the sex tape, there were no jerk-off opportunities....I had to go back to watching reruns of the Cosby Show.
For more on the pot story go here
For more on the "sex is boring story" you will have to wait for Rolling Stone to release their People of the Year issue. Paris is still considered a person...
|W|P|110369750642120161|W|P|I am - Pot Flavored Candy|W|P|10/01/2005 12:05:00 AM|W|P|DailyLinks|W|P|I have a gential herpes site/blog. It pretty much covers gential herpes related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)12/22/2004 01:39:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Britney Spears is a Stepmother. I am - a stepfather. That means if you put Britney and me in a room together we would be a hot set of step-parents. Don't worry, I am mexican, I am used to smell ....and just so you know those werent her feet that stank up the plane, it was K-Feds rotting semen... girl's trying preggers...giver her a break.
Kevin Federline knocked up his last conquest Shar Jackson without any real problems...I am thinking maybe B-Fed has ovary issues.
Shar Jackson looks like this, and refuses to spend x-mas with the Federlines and the babies as one big family....
Rumor is Star and Al Jones are going to be taking Shar's place, but that's only because Star Jones likes turkey....as much as I like homeless looking billionaire drug addicts
|W|P|110369836915199347|W|P|I am - A Step-Parent|W|P|12/21/2004 11:30:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|When men get old they don't worry about their dick sizes. Even though they sometimes should.
I was on planetsuzy.com and came across pictures of Kurt Russell naked.
He's the one banging Goldie Hawn and molesting her daughter Kate Hudson, but it's cool, from one stepfather to another ' respect'
|W|P|110369223193102692|W|P|I am - Kurt Russell's Penis|W|P|12/21/2004 10:46:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Come here boys and girls, there is something I love to do...and that is tell great stories to all of you... it's something I started doing when I was a little boy. I didn't have the luxuries you had like TV, Parents and friends. I was alone, so I would tell stories to the animals in the woods....
This is a story that I remember vividly.....I hope you like it...I am not sure where I got it, probably harmony korine's book 10 years ago... or whenever it was published. I used to be a fan..
A blind boy and his older brother live together in a small house with their middle-aged mother.
The older brother takes care of his blind brother.
He walks him arm-in-arm to school- and to the playground-
He tries to teach him how to play basketball.
One day the blind boy recovers his eyesight. The Blind boy begins an " AFFAIR"
With his brother.
The mother freaks out- the blind boy kills himself….
The Book Crack Up at the Race Riots can be found
|W|P|110368768249878538|W|P|I am - Story Telling....|W|P|12/21/2004 08:56:00 PM|W|P|Johnny Mack Brown|W|P|Looking for a holiday project.
Bake gingerpornbread cookies with the family, or the stepfamily.
Instructions are easy to follow, even if you are from a red state
Here|W|P|110368058321980588|W|P|I am - Ejaculating Eclair|W|P|12/22/2004 02:31:00 AM|W|P|
You must live in Ontario. Only an ontarion can be that lame12/22/2004 07:25:00 PM|W|P|Johnny Mack Brown|W|P|shut the fuck up you anonymous piece of shit.
nobody asks you to read this shit
you are probably a poor ugly jew that has nothing else to do..the rest of your family is probably successful and you struggle with an inferiority complex. leaving negative posts make you feel better about being worthless for a split second
next time you post, tell us who you are9/26/2005 03:08:00 PM|W|P|Weedy|W|P|I appreciate your information on Funny Pictures. I just bookmarked your site and will be back regulalry to keep on top of it. Please check out my blog on Funny Pictures Exposed - I'd really appreciate it12/21/2004 07:46:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|With little fanfare or attention the creator of the poutine Fernand Lachance, died earlier this year at the age of 86. And guess what he died of: Thats right, pulmonary disease. Although he did live till 86 so thats not to bad.
It all happend one cold september night in 1957. That was where Lachance met a trucker with a special request.
"I wanted fries, but I saw cheese curds on the counter. I asked Fernand to mix them together,"
Read on Here
|W|P|110367684411771620|W|P|I am - "Mr. Poutine"|W|P|12/21/2004 11:17:00 PM|W|P|The Illustrious Senior Magnifico|W|P|Hey Brad,
Just thought you should know, Pulmonary disease is lung disease, so he probably died from smoking, not eating poutine.12/22/2004 01:17:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Yeah - I was thinking the same thing.. I just didn't want to upset him, he is my lawyer after all...12/22/2004 12:14:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|How dare you question me!! I will sue you all. I know it is a lung disease, but is it a surprise that a guy that a Quebecer that made poutines died of lung cancer. He must have smoked 2 packs a day in the casse croute.12/21/2004 05:04:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|I think our muslim fans are feeling neglected from our lack of attention to their religion. So i asked my assistant to pull up some of the Sex rules for Islamists.
Sexual intercourse invalidates the fast, even if the penetration is as little as the tip of the male organ, and even if there has been no ejaculation.
* If the penetration is less than the tip of the male organ, so that it cannot be said that intercourse has taken place, also if no ejaculation takes place, the fast does not become invalid. This applies to both, circumcised and uncircumcised men
1596. If a person forgets that he is observing fast and commits sexual intercourse or he is compelled to have sexual intercourse in a manner that makes him helpless, his fast does not become void. However, if he remembers (that he is observing fast) or ceases to be helpless during sexual intercourse, he should withdraw from the sexual intercourse at once, and if he does not, his fast becomes void.
|W|P|110366698043576544|W|P|I am - Islam Sex Rules|W|P|12/21/2004 04:53:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|In this multi part series I will take you through the Jewish Attitudes Towards Sexuality and make you a better person.
According to my Rabbi, "sexual desire comes from the "yetzer ra" (the evil impulse. Like hunger, thirst or other basic instincts, sexual desire must be controlled and channeled" (What the hell does that mean).
He also told me "when sexual desire is satisfied between a husband and wife at the proper time, out of mutual love and desire, sex is a mitzvah". (I wonder if that includes your stepdaughter)
Thats it for now...my Rabbi is hungry and Im taking out for a nice Gefilte Fish dinner. Tune in next time
|W|P|110366653281983894|W|P|I am - Kosher Sex part 1|W|P|12/21/2004 04:16:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|All I want for Christmas is a Jew....
That being said.. maybe you have asked yourself what do Jews do for Xmas....
Well topping the list is Go out for Chinese Food. But I would argue that a lot go away to the beach, mainly florida to visit their bubbies....
The list of what Jews do for xmas is here
|W|P|110366407787495040|W|P|I am - Jewish Xmas|W|P|12/21/2004 03:58:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Here are some gift ideas when shopping for a poor person
1- Rubbing alcohol
2- Can of Baked Beans
3- Food Stamps
4- Crack Rock
5- Iceberg Lettuce
|W|P|110366277082988732|W|P|I am - Poor People's Christmas |W|P|12/21/2004 03:36:00 PM|W|P|Johnny Mack Brown|W|P|Everyone hates them
They use up our tax dollars
They shop at Wal Mart
They are less educated
They are less attractive
They upsize when they can
Most of them are obese
They prey on rich people during the holidays
They where snowsuits that don't match
They are - Poor People
Definition: [n] a person with few or no possessions
See Also: down-and-out, drifter, floater, pauper, poor man, unfortunate, unfortunate person, vagrant
See what a poor person looks like
|W|P|110366139747393508|W|P|I am - Ignorant|W|P|12/21/2004 07:11:00 PM|W|P|12/21/2004 08:19:00 PM|W|P|
but i jerk off to weird things
often12/21/2004 11:00:00 PM|W|P|Johnny Mack Brown|W|P|Poor people tend not to like these posts12/21/2004 11:12:00 PM|W|P|Handjob Hector|W|P|I am poor - But get VIP status at all of DJ Ams parties...9/26/2005 05:01:00 PM|W|P|Rolo|W|P|Found a lot of useful info on your site about Funny Pictures - thank you. Haven't finished reading it yet but have bookmarked it so I don't lose it. I've just started a Funny Pictures blog myself if you'd like to stop by12/21/2004 02:52:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Carl's Jr has a new hard hitting Breakfast Burger that has 830 calories and 46 grams of fat.
Their slogan is "It's a Coffee Shop Breakfast Plate on a Bun"
It consists of Egg, Hash Browns, Bacon and an All Beef Patty and cheese nestled between two hamburger buns.
An insider said this "Our Theory was that the lower consumption pattern for burgers was due to the lack of availability and awareness of burgers as a breakfast option or the lack of a burger specifically designed for breakfast"
If you want to see this dirty slophole - suicide sandwich click
|W|P|110365933685777918|W|P|I am - Breakfast Burger Beef Curtains|W|P|12/21/2004 02:43:00 PM|W|P|Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie|W|P|the tables have turned.
no longer can i declare what is commonly known as holy war on guilty bystanders,
because my time has come to get knocked.
this morning, at breakfast, innocently eating my 7 pub style chicken fingers,
my step mother walks in and tells me i am eating the wrong fingers,
i grabbed her fist and attempted to take a bite but as my delightfully unmanicured hands grabbed her horribly manicured hands, she yelped, i stopped,
resorted to eating my own fingers, thank you VERY MUCH.
as i got up, mid meal with my fingers in between my un-lipsticked lips,
dodging plates, plants and fried matzoh (which was being aimed at me, even though i was EATING-
anyways i was getting ready to walk up the stairs to go back into bed (current time, 2 pm) when nanny screams "you look like shit, take a shower and put some makeup on!"
to which i yelled back,
with a fist which pierced through the air
like a proud beacon of my beliefs
"I AM AGAINST MAINTENANCE!"
and crept back under the covers, with my fingers.|W|P|110365871765737466|W|P|i am - under attack|W|P|12/21/2004 02:20:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|Friendster Message of the Day comes from Cynthia.
Cynthia overanalyzes everything and am completely paranoid about the smallest details. she laughs too loudly. and swears too often. chugs expensive coffee like water and spends all her money on art. i have the best job in the world and let all the waiters buy me drinks (as often as they'd like). i fall in love with older boys and enjoy (faking) orgasmic bliss.
Her Subject was Randy:
Her Message was:
i'm a little overwhelmed.
but i LIKE it.
i'm really not a man.
my french sucks too.
i would only be able to tolerate celine if i was really plastered and drawing you naked.
my alcohol tolerance is embarassing.
we should make out.
i'd let you touch my boob.
i'm glad you introduced me to your female-named hero.
tell him i said hi.
i'm a bit of a prude.
but i was serious about my teachers.
i think you're clever.
i wonder if our inperson conversations would be dull or excentric
you make me blush.
i think we should seriously go for drinks.
i wonder if you'd stand me up.
i'm pasty white too.
and always have paint on my hands.
my eyes are green.
i stalk scott moffatt.
i am random.and intrigued.
and goddammit your humor is a turn on.
|W|P|110365866463069506|W|P|I am - The Man in the Poon|W|P|12/21/2004 02:17:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|This is a new feature that will last for about 1 hour....It is food products that I would assume poor people feed their family because of the low cost and high value (can feed a lot of people).
The stereotypical Poor People food that comes to mind is Kraft Dinner, Spam and Baked Beans...but I believe that there are better products out there.
Send in submissions if you want, but I probably won't listen, because I hate you.
Today's Poor Man's Food Product is :
Tomato paste is a commercial concentrate of puréed tomatoes commonly sold in small cans and used to add flavor and body to sauces. For superior flavor, look for tubes of imported double-strength tomato concentrate in Italian delicatessens and well-stocked food stores.
|W|P|110365679588591107|W|P|I am - Poor Man's Food Product of the Day|W|P|12/21/2004 01:50:00 PM|W|P|Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie|W|P|this morning i looked at myself
you need to tweeze my face screamed at myself-to no one in particular-
hypothetically, if i were to start tweezing, then my dry skin would flake off,
and i would have to get out the toner,
and then the astringent,
and then wash my face, dry it, do the toner thing again,
put on the topical coat that prevents break outs and forest fires,
wait for it to dry,
add some grease free moisturizer,
write my suicide note,
let all the turtle doves go free,
scream ala kazaam
followed by allahu akbar, drop on the floor, which just happens to be asking for a mopping.
i sweep first with a broom
throw away the dust and inanimate objects which have set up camp there, on my bathroom floor
mop once with warm water..
i am against maintenance.|W|P|110365551868670058|W|P|i am - against maintenance|W|P|12/21/2004 02:06:00 PM|W|P|12/21/2004 01:31:00 PM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|I was doing a little x-mas shopping for my wife and stepdaughters on La Petite Coquette, lingerie consultant to the stars. I figured that my girls are my little stars, so why not spoil them with lace and satin.....I can't wait until Christmas morning when they all put on their matching sheer sets and dance for me to "Oh Holy Night".
Amongst the garter belts, thongs and bras....there is a little section called "Star Choices"
I clicked it thinking it would be a sales page for used panties of people like Britney Spears, Faith Hill, Gene Hackman, Diane Sawyer and Keith Richards, but it was just a page with their autographs....a little disappointing.....but worth checking out anyway.
The coquette sale is here
|W|P|110365471342418784|W|P|I am - Lingerie Consultant|W|P|9/26/2005 10:07:00 AM|W|P|natalie|W|P|I really liked the information on Funny Pictures, great job! I have my own Funny Pictures Exposed blog if you would like to come and see what I have on mine.12/21/2004 01:03:00 PM|W|P|Brad Goldstein -Lawyer|W|P|In England:
Those wishing to use a television must apply for a license.
Those weird English people.|W|P|110365237085458376|W|P|I am - International law of the day|W|P|12/21/2004 11:55:00 AM|W|P|Jesus Martinez|W|P|This isn't a funny blog entry, it's just something I came across that reminded me that I am strange.
So... I read this ad in the paper looking for girls who were labeled a slut. It was for a documentary. This was about 1 year ago. I decided to email them - this is what I wrote:
I am contacting you in response to your ad in the Montreal Mirror. I see that you are looking for people who were labeled a slut in highschool. I in fact am the perfect candidate for your project. I have been labeled a slut since I was 12. I don't know why, I think it is because I developed at a young age and had an older boyfriend. I mean I was into sex and I realized that I could get more out of people, using my sex appeal, and in all honesty, it was fun being that way. I mean I have tried every imaginable position and every scenario with every man in my small town...
I am 21 now, and I still live a similar lifestyle, I will not change for anyone. I can remember many stories from my highschool years, that I would rather forget. I remember being hated on by the girls and sexually harassed by the boys (which was awesome) for 5 years!!! Anyway, I don't even know why I am telling you all this.
Her Response was:
It's great to hear from you. My name is Brenda, I’m the research coordinator for this project. It’s my job to make contact with all the women and girls and hear their stories. Let me tell you a little bit about the project - it's a documentary film for TV that is yet to be titled. The original idea for the documentary came from the book Fast Girls, by Emily White, released in 2002.
In Fast Girls, Emily White says if you ask someone about their high school/junior high/town “slut,” you’ll get much the same story no matter where you are in North America. White argues that the slut is an archetype, part of the collective unconscious. Crowds HAVE to have a slut, and they create one no matter whether the girl “deserves” the title or has never been kissed.
Anyway, this documentary project gives voice to those women. So far, we’ve heard from dozens of women who are telling their stories. They range in age from 16 to 60 and come from one end of the continent to the other, from the southern US to Canada (which is where the project originates from – I’m located in Halifax, Nova Scotia). The film is being directed by Andrea Dorfman. Her most recent film is Love That Boy.
I would love to speak to you over the phone for 15 minutes or so to get a sense of your story. Let me know a good time tomorrow or the next day. After that, you can consider if and what you'd be comfortable sharing on camera. No pressure. Please e-mail me back a good time for you. Thanks.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Brenda : )
|W|P|110364876089277476|W|P|I am - A film about SLUTS|W|P|9/26/2005 08:28:00 AM|W|P|paige|W|P|I appreciate your information on Funny Pictures. I just bookmarked your site and will be back regulalry to keep on top of it. Please check out my blog on Funny Pictures Exposed - I'd really appreciate it |W|P|What are the chances of me getting into your pants on a scale of 1 to impregnated ? |W|P|i jerked off to it |W|P|This is the worst post I have ever read! |W|P|Please STOP posting..face it you suck. |W|P|Where the hell am I supposed to download this? |W|P|I am - a very stepfather fireman, say hello to my hose. |W|P|shut the fuck up |W|P|WHAT THE F*** ARE U IDIOTS TALKING ABOUT HER SEXUAL STORIES ARE AWESOME ALTHOUGH MOST SOUND RATHER FICTION BEING A MEXICAN IT TELLS ME I CAN HAVE A CHANCE WITH A SLUTTY WHITE MINX U GUYS ARE IDIOTS INDEED SHE NEEDS TO STAY AND SHE SHOULD eMAIL ME AT HernandezS1@yahoo.com AND REWARD ME FOR WANTING TO SAVE HER!! |W|P|The sluts got to go! |W|P|Get rid of her...if i wanted to hear her id listen to my woman |W|P|Kill Seinfeld that Yid-Lid never shuts her fucking bagel eating face... |W|P|I vote to get rid of her unless she sends a naked pics |W|P|I would take a transatlantic flight, if only I could land in your love bun, but I know you are like a barbie doll and lack a thing called genitals... |W|P|I will come over, |W|P|Reading this makes me want to eat peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies.